Tuesday, March 29, 2016

Who are you? Do do, Do do

My teaching job is weird. I work in 5-8 different schools every week, so the relationships I have with the others teachers are superficial and one-dimensional. It seems that those I regularly see and work with, I only know one trait. Likewise, they only know me as the crazy runner they always see around the school after hours and in the summer. If I had a dollar for every time someone said "I saw you running near..." I was perfectly happy with that. What else is there to know about me??? Seriously.

Then PF reared its ugly head and my whole world was shaken up. I would have so much preferred to stay on cruise control. Work, work, run, Jeopardy!, early bed, bf on the weekends. Same schedule, same training program, same races. Homeostasis baby. Humans like things to stay the same, we like continuity and predictability.

One of my runner friends reminded me "Running is something you do. It's not who you are." Except it was. Since 2009, running has been how I identified myself. I'm not anyone's wife, not anyone's mother, not an important employee, I was a runner! It was my means to control my weight, my time for deep thinking, planning, problem solving, the source of most of my goals.

Then it was ripped away. Despite my many pronouncements, I never ever ever wanted to retire. I started spinning and questioning everything in my life. I broke up with the boyfriend, started looking and applying for a new job, and pondered how do I fill my time when I can't run??? I've seen a few friends that got pushed by the wayside, I reconnected with people I used to know, I've been studying for hours every day for Jeopardy! (They have to call at some point, right?) It's not the same. Change is never easy, even when it's necessary.

Then on a day when nothing makes sense, my brother shared this on facebook. It's nothing we haven't heard before, but always a great reminder just the same.
Not me in the pic! Saved this from PostSecret

It has been said, "Wherever you find yourself... at some point in time you made an appointment to be there." If this is true in your case, own it. Face it. Get real with yourself. Do not stay in what you know is wrong because you did not listen to the warnings or to your own intuition. Things could have worked out. But they didn't. Do not allow fear or embarrassment of looking stupid to discourage you from doing what you need to do. Be ready to admit that you were wrong or that you made a mistake. Face it and move on. Do not beat yourself up. You did not listen to your first mind or trust your intuition. None of us is perfect.
Get some help to clear your thinking and carve out a new life for yourself. Contrary to popular belief, just because you made a mistake, you do not have to live with it for the rest of your life. You can decide to change it. There is nothing to be embarrassed about. Stand up for yourself. Do not waste another day living a life that is not you. It may be a job, a business, a relationship, or a decision that you made. Cut your losses. Life and time are too precious to continue to live a lie. You deserve better and you can do better when you get the courage to do what you know you must. You have something special. You have GREATNESS within you!

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