Saturday, April 23, 2016

I swear I lived

I've heard the song I Lived by One Direction countless times on the radio. I thought it had a nice chorus, then YouTube suggested it today, so I listened again. It began with a guy speaking to the camera about living with cystic fibrosis and I thought it was an ad, so I hopped over to the computer to skip it, only to realize it was the start of the video and within a minute I was in tears. If the words aren't a good enough message, the video is cut between the guy talking about his life, and scenes of living that are so wonderfully mundane that most of us take them for granted - ice skating, a birthday party, riding a bike, jumping into a swimming pool.

Hope when you take that jump, you don't fear the fall
Hope when the water rises, you built a wall
Hope when the crowd screams out, they're screaming your name
Hope if everybody runs, you choose to stay
Hope that you fall in love, and it hurts so bad
The only way you can know is give it all you have
And I hope that you don't suffer but take the pain
Hope when the moment comes, you'll say
I, I did it all
I, I did it all
I owned every second that this world could give
I saw so many places, the things that I did
With every broken bone, I swear I lived

Hope that you spend your days, but they all add up
And when that sun goes down, hope you raise your cup
Oh, I wish that I could witness all your joy and all your pain
But until my moment comes, I'll say
I, I did it all
I, I did it all

Such has become my approach to life recently. I want to see everything, do everything, enjoy everything. Finishing the half tomorrow will hurt, but that's no reason to not do it. I feel like I've attained the clarity that comes with old age or inevitable dying, yet I've never felt more alive. Early in the year when I started to realize the running isn't going to happen this year, I decided to take a different approach and say yes to everything. And I'm having so much fun!!! Lunch with teachers I rarely see, live music on a Wednesday night, an 8-bit Nintendo competition, a 2+hour phone call when I desperately needed a nap. I'll run again when it's time. Unfortunately I can't force it to be on my time, but "God has a way of solving problems and we have great faith in the future."

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